September is Suicide Prevention Month
Ryan Putnam
2021 Ending the Silence 5K
Prevention ambassador
My name is Ryan Putnam. I come from a small military family and was born and raised in Pensacola, FL. My mother was born and raised here and my father attended flight school for the Navy at NAS.
I moved to Ft. Worth, Texas in 2006 after my freshman year of high school. I graduated with good grades and went on to attend Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas where I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. After I graduated, I had a job in sales for a year and then began my career in Law Enforcement.
In May of 2016 I was employed as a Corrections Officer with the City of Grand Prairie Police Department. In 2017 I transitioned to the police academy with Grand Prairie. By this time, I was married and was starting to build a life for myself. My wife was beyond supportive of what I was doing. Our life was more than good, it was great.
I moved to Ft. Worth, Texas in 2006 after my freshman year of high school. I graduated with good grades and went on to attend Tarleton State University in Stephenville, Texas where I graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. After I graduated, I had a job in sales for a year and then began my career in Law Enforcement.
In May of 2016 I was employed as a Corrections Officer with the City of Grand Prairie Police Department. In 2017 I transitioned to the police academy with Grand Prairie. By this time, I was married and was starting to build a life for myself. My wife was beyond supportive of what I was doing. Our life was more than good, it was great.
However, the negative things that I was exposed to, day in and day out started to creep into my mind and began to eat away at my mental health. I was known as “The Grim Reaper” and death seemed to follow me over my 4 years in law enforcement. I slowly started to slip away into the “darkness”. In order to cope with the trauma I turned to alcohol to help me sleep and that quickly spiraled out of control in my first year as a cop. I realized I had a big problem and quit drinking cold turkey and seemed to have a grip on the situation. The days came and went, and life seemed good. My wife and I tried so hard to start our family and eventually became pregnant.
By this time, I was on our SWAT team as a Crisis/Hostage Negotiator and had joined our department's Honor Guard Unit. I craved the adrenaline and the thrills I was constantly exposed to. I was putting the job before my new family and could feel it consuming every aspect of my being.
In the middle of 2019, I found myself at work in the locker room on a break from training. I unloaded my gun, took the magazine out and double checked to make sure there was not a round in the chamber. I put the barrel of my weapon in my mouth and pulled the trigger, just to see what it would feel like. I hoped that someone would have caught me and forced me to get help.
The only person that knew what had occurred was my then spouse. She thought it was a threat to her and did not take it seriously. I had a really kindhearted friend I worked with who understood what was happening. She did so much to try and help me, but I pushed her away, I pushed everyone away and kept engaging in risky behavior, thrill seeking and putting my own life at risk to achieve the adrenaline high.
In the middle of 2019, I found myself at work in the locker room on a break from training. I unloaded my gun, took the magazine out and double checked to make sure there was not a round in the chamber. I put the barrel of my weapon in my mouth and pulled the trigger, just to see what it would feel like. I hoped that someone would have caught me and forced me to get help.
The only person that knew what had occurred was my then spouse. She thought it was a threat to her and did not take it seriously. I had a really kindhearted friend I worked with who understood what was happening. She did so much to try and help me, but I pushed her away, I pushed everyone away and kept engaging in risky behavior, thrill seeking and putting my own life at risk to achieve the adrenaline high.
I slowly started to have night terrors, nightmares, and bouts of sleep paralysis. I woke up screaming, drenched in sweat. I had nobody at that time to turn to, so I turned to alcohol for comfort and to “quiet” everything I was feeling. Alcohol made the screams go away, it made the guilt stop and helped me sleep. This continued even after my son was born but stopped for a brief period of about a month or two in 2020.
In November 2020 I was writing a report in my squad car and put my service weapon to my head, quickly realized what was happening and stopped. I told two of my best friends on duty and we talked it out and then they said we needed to answer calls for service. I needed help.
On January 7th of 2021, I drove myself to Twelve Oaks Recovery Center in Navarre, FL and checked into treatment. Twelve Oaks was absolutely instrumental in helping to save my life. As a first responder I was very hesitant to check myself in. Twelve Oaks made me feel at home and I formed a life long bond with many of my Twelve Oaks Alum. The programs that I participated in truly changed my thought process and helped combat my mental health issues.
It was at Twelve Oaks when I first became involved with NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI Okaloosa Walton and NAMI Pensacola offered weekly Connection Recovery Support Groups at the facility. My NAMI family is my home away from home and they have provided me with a positive and safe place to battle my mental health hurdles, as they have done for millions of Americans since 1979. I have been involved with NAMI for six months now and I could not be happier with the weekly support, education and understanding they have given me and have continued to give me even after treatment. I still attend the NAMI Connection Recovery Support Group each Tuesday on Zoom.
I now work in the mental health field for a veteran run nonprofit "1 Tribe Foundation" that was formerly know as "22 Kill." The 1 Tribe Foundation's mission is: "To create a community that raises awareness and combats suicide by empowering veterans, first responders, medical frontline workers and their families through traditional and non-traditional therapies." Working in this position has been extremely rewarding for me personally! I hope to continue advocating for mental health and suicide prevention both in my local community and my home town Pensacola and surrounding areas.
Please know, I understand how difficult this journey can be first hand AND you do not have to go through this journey alone. NAMI will be there for you and your family, just as they have been there for me!
For those who have recently attempted or lost someone to suicide, it is invaluable to meet and speak with another person who has been through a similar experience and who understands the kind of loneliness, pain, grief, anger, sadness, and guilt that is all too common in the wake of a loved one's attempted or suicide.
NAMI offers the NAMI Connection Recovery Support Groups twice weekly for those that suffer from mental health symptoms AND the NAMI Family Support Group is offered twice monthly to help support family members dealing with loved ones that experience mental health symptoms.
In November 2020 I was writing a report in my squad car and put my service weapon to my head, quickly realized what was happening and stopped. I told two of my best friends on duty and we talked it out and then they said we needed to answer calls for service. I needed help.
On January 7th of 2021, I drove myself to Twelve Oaks Recovery Center in Navarre, FL and checked into treatment. Twelve Oaks was absolutely instrumental in helping to save my life. As a first responder I was very hesitant to check myself in. Twelve Oaks made me feel at home and I formed a life long bond with many of my Twelve Oaks Alum. The programs that I participated in truly changed my thought process and helped combat my mental health issues.
It was at Twelve Oaks when I first became involved with NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness. NAMI Okaloosa Walton and NAMI Pensacola offered weekly Connection Recovery Support Groups at the facility. My NAMI family is my home away from home and they have provided me with a positive and safe place to battle my mental health hurdles, as they have done for millions of Americans since 1979. I have been involved with NAMI for six months now and I could not be happier with the weekly support, education and understanding they have given me and have continued to give me even after treatment. I still attend the NAMI Connection Recovery Support Group each Tuesday on Zoom.
I now work in the mental health field for a veteran run nonprofit "1 Tribe Foundation" that was formerly know as "22 Kill." The 1 Tribe Foundation's mission is: "To create a community that raises awareness and combats suicide by empowering veterans, first responders, medical frontline workers and their families through traditional and non-traditional therapies." Working in this position has been extremely rewarding for me personally! I hope to continue advocating for mental health and suicide prevention both in my local community and my home town Pensacola and surrounding areas.
Please know, I understand how difficult this journey can be first hand AND you do not have to go through this journey alone. NAMI will be there for you and your family, just as they have been there for me!
For those who have recently attempted or lost someone to suicide, it is invaluable to meet and speak with another person who has been through a similar experience and who understands the kind of loneliness, pain, grief, anger, sadness, and guilt that is all too common in the wake of a loved one's attempted or suicide.
NAMI offers the NAMI Connection Recovery Support Groups twice weekly for those that suffer from mental health symptoms AND the NAMI Family Support Group is offered twice monthly to help support family members dealing with loved ones that experience mental health symptoms.
To help those who have experienced a loss by suicide, NAMI Pensacola/NAMI Okaloosa Walton/NAMI Bay are reaching out to members of the community who have suffered a loss to suicide to help establish a suicide prevention and postvention response program.
To help address the gap in survivor response and support in the Escambia, Santa Rosa, Okaloosa, Walton and surrounding areas, please submit you information below:
To help address the gap in survivor response and support in the Escambia, Santa Rosa, Okaloosa, Walton and surrounding areas, please submit you information below:
